I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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