You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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