escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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