Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
how does that bad decision feel?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
