Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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