I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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