I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
