Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
