tell your sister to shave her snatch
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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