how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
