Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Everclear isn't food dammit
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
