Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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