im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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