you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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