Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
