I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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