i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
