someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
