I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
