I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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