we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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