I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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