I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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