Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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