I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
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not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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