I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
