come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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