If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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