# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
