people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
