I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
