cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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