My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
