The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
tonight lets celebrate not being married
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
