highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
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she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
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Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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