I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
