I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF