i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags