We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
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My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao