Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.