So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs