You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.