so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
