It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
