So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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