mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
