I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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