Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
