need another drink. this is the easiest way
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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