Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
