Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
