No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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