I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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