I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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