So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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