Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
