Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
