I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
