You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
