Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
