I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
