go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
