I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
