woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just pee around me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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