i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
