My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
