Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize