It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
