Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
