I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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