i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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