I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize