I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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