5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
