Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
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Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have already put on my inside pants.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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