I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
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DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I am naked and annoyed.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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