also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
