having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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